SPDS

We live in a world of apprehension, a new age of uncertainty where terror and chaos sleek just around the corner. A world where someone might drop a plane on you or sneak in and take your job, where enemies peer at us in hate and envy through the gates of our democracy. … Well that at least is how Fox news makes it out.

But no one can deny we have security problems and concerns- terrorism , illegal immigration- we stand like Horatio at the bridge holding off the wild hordes. What can we do? How do we make the Republic safe from attack and illegal entry? What is the solution, more restrictions, martial law, cohorts of our Legions guarding airports and borders? The Lady in the Harbor holding up the sign CLOSED in place of her torch??

But fear not oh troubled citizens, the solution is just down the street, we have had it in South Philly all along. I call it the South Philly Defense System or SPDS. How does it work- the SPDS employs unseen forces and imaginary boundaries that keep people and things outside a neighborhood. It is the system that allows us to build with confidence a $400,000 home a street away from crack houses and criminal gangs, yes they don’t come around our way. Yes our way, not my way, our way, that collective phases that we in South Philly know to be pregnant with meaning, pregnant with the solutions to our problems. It keeps the wild hordes in their wild enclosures and allows us to make a happy life in the shadow of chaos.

What do I mean? let me draw your attention to a recent conversation I had with a much loved cousin, a women of some culture and great style, a women who understands her neighborhood. In a recent telephonic exchange. I mentioned that I would like to purchase an investment property in South Philadelphia as property values are very good. I was considering purchasing a shell in an upcoming area and restore it. I had identified a 3 bedroom row home at 15th and Reed for 5 figures. Capital, I thought ,15th and Reed just two blocks from 13th and Reed where the property rates for a 3 bedroom row home are 6 figures and climbing. Feeling bright and happy about my impending coup I spoke with my cousin. “What!” my cousin shouted at me- “15th and Reed are you Crazy (one always doubts sanity in SP when confronted with innovative behavior) It is SO bad you can’t go there.” “But..” I responded, “it is 15th and Reed you are at 12th and Reed 3 blocks and 350 meters away.” “Yes,” my cousin responded “but I don’t go around there, it’s so bad they have all kinds of drug addicts and criminals.” “But it is 2 blocks away from the great South Philly revival, as properties become scarcer and prices drive upward the house at 15th and Reed must increase in value.”
“Absolutely not” I was told “that neighborhood is terrible and hopeless.” Yes like Dante’s Hell Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate (abandon every hope, you who enter). As we say in South Philly.. I remained… I was stupefied, incredulity flooded my thoughts, “it can not be” I protested, “my investment vision is clear and based on hard facts and basic laws of physics and economics.” Still my cousin insisted, I asked her to go check it out, to cross the 2 blocks and see- “I’m not going there she said!” Never into that land , to quote more Dante, la città dolente… l'etterno dolore…la perduta gente ( the city of suffering, eternal sorrow and the lost people) . She spoke Ex cathedra- The neighborhood was very bad and she would never move the 300m meters to her left and set foot there, under any circumstances. My cousin then suggested we get together in Singapore or Rome in the future.. Yes we can not even remotely consider visiting 15th street from 12th street but I will come to the other side of the world and see you…….

If defies logic- How can such a thing be? For after all, were I an inhabitant of la città dolente on 15th street and knew that just 1 or 2 blocks away lived people in relative comfort and wealth with 6 figure homes and cars, I would simple walk the few steps to enhance my crime among a more affluent clientele. But alas, and here is the point, they don’t! Yes somehow in South Philly there exist a defense system that keeps the lost inhabitants (la perduta gente) away from those blessed occupants of the city of enhanced priced homes. I took additional council from real estate agents and other friends and relatives in South Philly, and was told the same thing, no 15th street ---very bad.

That’s the way it is in South Philly… That’s the SPDS.

While my idea of a home at 15th and Reed remains on hold I do reflect upon this story. And in an epiphany realize that between 13th and 15th street lies the answer to the Nation’s security problems. Were I president of the United States (it could happen) the second thing I would do after lifting the Cuban Embargo ( light ‘em up) would be to send a team to South Philly to study this phenomenon and find a way to adapt it for the nation. Just imagine , in southern California and Texas we wouldn’t need cohorts of troops or fences or even border guards. The forces that hold chaos in check along Reed street would function to stop illegal border crossing. Our airports would be safe for terrorist would be paralyzed by the same force that keeps the gangsters on 15th street off 13th street.. Condoleezza Rice can declare the nation safe and like some Connie from 12th street say with certainty- they don’t come around our way.


Of course I am unsure what forces come into play to allow this? A Spatial differentiation where matter is limited in its dimensional habitation? Perhaps it is some residue magic left over by the Delaware tribes that lived along the Passyung and Moremensing creeks in bygone days? Perhaps it is something to do with the soft clay beneath the city streets? Or the sprit of Frank Rizzo protecting the old neighborhood, a new Michael with a flaming sword over South Philly, or rather certain parts of it.

But it is there believe- why else would a person pay $400,000 for a house down the street from murderer’s row.

Of course the whole thing could be a mirage and based on false misguided interpretations and unsubstantiated fears, perhaps the bad neighborhoods are not so bad and la perduta gente not so lost, perhaps people in south Philly live there own version of the TV show LOST and are unaware of the true forces that control their universe? I know of people that immigrated to South Philly from Italy and after 40-70 years still could not speak English.. I know of people in South Philly that after 60 years have still never seen Allegany Avenue or Germantown or Chestnut Hill…. Could perhaps the SPDS be nothing more then the reflection of people’s own parochialism and insularism- we never go there -so they never come here.

Well after I am president and after the Cubans are smoking again, I shall send the brighest minds in the nation to investigate for I know we can harness the power of the South Philly Defense system..

The SPDS , defense for a new age of uncertainty.